you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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