I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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