i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
birth control should be required to get into college
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
