Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there was a trapeze. enough said
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
