am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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