just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
