At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
