He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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