I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
