That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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