birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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