yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
