so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
