Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
