Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
