singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
