My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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