if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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