Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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