You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
tell me about the fingering
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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