his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Two words: nipple clamps
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