worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
