She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize