we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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