you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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