I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
