my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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