His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
