Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize