No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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