he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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