My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
