i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
