he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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