All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
