if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
