I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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