Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
