How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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