did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
