I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
