new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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