giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize