I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
