My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
