I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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