p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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