Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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