Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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