Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
