The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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