So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
wow bdsm is so cute
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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