He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
