New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
