I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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