I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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