I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
