i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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