I have demons in me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
