my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
