Pants 0. Shit 1.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
