They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
