lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
