so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
