I accidentally burped into my bong.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize