I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
