i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
two words: eviction party
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize