He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
