UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
