The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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