Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
