and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
