At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
