I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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