i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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