Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
